After announcing that I was retiring mediumship services, I received so much inquiry about why, heartfelt expressions of how mediumship sessions impacted clients, and I continued to experience impactful and emotional sessions that were on my calendar prior to removing it from my service menu. When doing a mediumship session, I experience deep love and overwhelming joy. It is usually a beautiful experience. Why would I stop doing something that I actually love doing? I felt so unsettled about this decision so I had to ask myself WHY I had made this decision in the first place. I asked myself with brutal honesty, a level of honesty that perhaps wasn’t there when I made the decision. In doing so, I realized that the story I told myself just wasn’t true. I’ve allowed myself to learn a great lesson from my own shadow side.
The story I allowed myself to believe was that allowing for more teaching time was necessary. The reality, however, is that adding additional sessions on days off and days scheduled for business and curriculum development ultimately affects my workload in an adverse manner. Having days set aside to assure adequate rest allows me to achieve full focus during my administrative/project time, facilitating the development and direction of my teaching pathways. Neither my admin or scheduled days off actually impact my regular reading schedule so why pick a service to eliminate, especially a service that has had and continues to have such a positive influence?
With the lens of brutal honesty, I realized that whenever I looked at my calendar and saw mediumship, I had a sense of apprehension. Given the reality of deep and beautiful connection, I should have instead honored this ability and felt joy. My shadow side revealed that I had an unacknowledged fear because of a perfectionist tendency. With mediumship, I simply cannot control whether or not a departed loved one shows up or can communicate in a way that I can hear clearly, or in a way that makes sense to the client. Ego-self felt a sense of dread because of the possibility that the session could be less than optimal. I now understand that fear led me to scapegoat mediumship rather than identify calendar management as the underlying issue.
My shadow aspects should not be in charge of what I offer, rather my higher self should be. Hence, I have returned mediumship to my service menu.
I humbly share this learning with you because it is a good reminder to question the stories we tell ourselves and to value, rather than avoid, expressions of ourselves that bring experiences of deep love and satisfaction even if there is a possibility of a less than perfect outcome. Some things are worth the risk of vulnerability.